The Knowing

As a kid, I knew something about myself with absolute clarity. I was meant to live boldly — confident, authentic, fully expressed. That certainty felt natural. It felt true.
But like often happens, life complicated that knowing.

I grew up in Ohio in a loving Presbyterian church community. We sang, we performed, sometimes we even danced during services. It was joyful, compassionate, and rooted in the teachings of love that I associated with Jesus.
At the same time, I was realizing that I was gay.
This was the 1980s, during the height of the AIDS epidemic. On television I saw people holding signs that said “God Hates Fags.” And I wondered how their idea of God could possibly be the same as mine.

Eventually it became difficult for me to say the word “God.”
Just as it felt impossible to say the word “gay.”

The Mask

Even though I had grown up in a seemingly inclusive and supportive spiritual environment, I internalized the toxic narratives I saw around me. I began to believe something was wrong with me. This was further exacerbated by a less than supportive home environment.
The confident child who once felt destined for greatness disappeared. My innocent nature and kind heart were no match for the voices of fear and disgust in our culture. How could anyone ever love me?

My solution to garner love… I became a performer.
Not just on stage — but in life. I became whatever version of myself I believed others would accept. The obedient son. The nice guy. The model citizen. The self-deprecating clown.

After moving to New York to pursue acting, I found myself surrounded by people deeply connected to spirituality. Many told me the same thing:
“Ryan, you’re a healer.”
I’d smile politely, “Uh-huh,” while my inner critic would mockingly chide me, “As if. What could you offer? You’re nothing.”
This was my narrative.

The Awakening

For years I searched for answers outside myself.
Religions. Astrology. Tarot. Numerology. Meditation. Shamanism. Myers-Briggs. Ayurveda. Oracle decks. Runes. Crystals.

But I kept everything and everyone at a distance. No one could look behind the curtain. Because deep down I believed if they looked too closely, they would discover something terrible: that I was a monster. A mistake.
I didn’t love myself. I didn’t like myself. And truthfully, I didn’t even know myself.

All the while I continued playing the nice guy and the funny friend and the responsible citizen. As well as the cheap date and an easy lay.
And I was exhausted by it. Exhausted and uncomfortable and feeling lost.

At a plant medicine retreat in the jungles of Costa Rica with a group of queer men, the cracks in my mask widened. What I saw was simple and profound:
We are all wearing masks.
We all believe the illusion that we are separate.
Beneath our masks, beyond the illusions, we are expressions of the same Divine source.

Love. We are Love.

The Work

I could finally, boldly say, “I love myself.” This began a deep and committed journey inward.
I studied and practiced many modalities — intuitive development, spiritual mediumship, Akashic reading, changework coaching, Reiki, hypnosis, breathwork, metaphysics, crystal healing, inner child work, shamanic practices, channeling, and more.

But at the center of it all, the same truth kept revealing itself:
Love. We are Love.

When we deeply and unapologetically love ourselves, we change how we meet the world. Fear, anger, and shame begin to transform.
Love is the great alchemist.

The Invitation

Today, my work is about helping others reconnect with their own truth and power.
I see your potential. I see your divine essence. And I can help you see it too.

But this work requires courage. No one can do it for you. I can guide you, offer tools, and help illuminate the path — but you must choose to walk it.

If you’re ready to reconnect with your purpose, reclaim your authenticity, and learn to truly love yourself, I’d be honored to walk beside you for part of that journey.

And yes — we’ll have fun along the way. Life is meant to be lived fully. And I LOVE to play!